Saturday 12 July 2014

Kings Heath to stage F1 racing following Govt announcement

Kings Heath to host Formula one following a Government change to law, giving local authorities the power to stage motor races.

Officials welcome the move:

"It'd be a proud moment for Kings Heath to join a growing network of small towns that will take advantage of David Cameron's initiative. We reckon this'll make loads of money.  And the locals might benefit too, in some ways."

Pavements and grass verges to be converted from their existing off-road parking purpose to accommodate wider roads

Valuable pavement and other land near roads are at present inadequate for off-road parking. Money generated from the motor racing will pay for much needed improvements, widening roads, removing unsightly trees and grass, and making parking of newer, bigger cars easier, as part of the F1 initiative.

Children's safety a top priority

"Children are at danger playing independently, and we believe their awareness of cars is woeful.  The sooner we can get them in safe cars or even behind the wheel in cars, the better.  Child safety is a top priority for us, and that's why we're planning to legalise under age motor racing in Kings Heath to run concurrently with the F1 racing.  If the kids are learning to drive really fast better, then that's got to be good for all of us."

The spokesman for KHF1 continued:

"About 60 people a year are killed on our [UK] pavements by motor vehicles.  Why can't we make pavements safer by removing pedestrians?"

Pedestrian menace to be dealt with once and for all

Highways officials confirmed David Cameron's law could see improvements to B and C class roads too:

"We'll do whatever we can to make all roads safer. Children and adults who choose to walk or play, can do so safely, well away from roads and streets."

A person we met in the pub was heard to say:

"Some greenies might point to fewer green spaces in our cities, children spending more time indoors, less time playing together, or moan about what people without cars would do, but the economic benefits far outweigh any of that community mumbo jumbo.  I just want to get on with my business without neighbours, children or anyone else getting in my way.  And watch a good motor race on the telly"

If you don't agree with any of the views expressed, you could support Playing Out, National Playday 6th August.

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